Community Crisis Response Guidelines
If you are considering suicide right now, please contact a crisis center:
- US: 1-800-273-8255
- Online Chat
- International Crisis Hotlines
- Trans/Queer support, text/chat available
Where can this be applied?
This document was written specifically for tilde.town's IRC chat in mind, but these guidelines can be more broadly applied to places like mastodon, bbj, mail, MUD/MUSH, other online spaces, or even in-person/meatspace environments.
What is a crisis?
By 'crisis', this document specifically refers to suicidal threats or behavior. This document is an overview of crisis response in an online community setting.
Identifying a crisis
Yellow Flags:
- sudden unannounced deletion of content (public_html, feels posts, mastodon account, etc.)
- sudden disappearances for long-ish periods of time, followed by suspicious dismissal ("oh it was nothing, i just had an accident, i'm ok")
- talking about getting rid of physical belongings, especially if they were previously treasured objects
- idle thoughts about hopelessness, escape, wishing to not exist ("no one will miss me", "i'm not worth anything")
These may warrant a kind/gentle check-in, but don't necessarily indicate imminent danger.
Example: consider dropping someone a line with "hey, I noticed {something}, are you doing okay?"
Red Flags:
- discussing actual plans or methods ("I think I'm going to go jump off a bridge")
- explicit goodbyes ("Slitting my wrists now, goodbye everyone")
These could indicate an imminent danger, and should be treated as serious threats to life; see "Appropriate Responses" below for suggested handling.
Appropriate responses
If you think someone is considering suicide, engage with them directly and immediately, preferably in a way that's as close to where you saw a warning sign as possible (if it was a feels post, send them an email or a PM on IRC if you know that they check those; if it was in an IRC channel, talk to them in that channel or PM them, if it was on Mastodon, send them a DM, etc.)
Talking to someone about suicide is not going to make their situation worse; in a best case scenario, they were just joking/venting and will admit so, and you might both be a little embarrassed that it came up (and in that case, they know that someone cares!). If they are actually in a suicidal state, engaging with them directly is the best approach. Ask them specific questions, and believe what they are saying.
If you have a strong suspicion that they need immediate medical attention and you know where they are, try to contact local emergency responders in their area. However, keep in mind that a potential police presence might not be the best response, especially for trans/disabled/neuroatypical folks; use your best judgement in this situation, and reach out to your fellow townies for advice/feedback if you're not sure who to call. Someone else may be more knowledgeable about a particular person's situation. In any case, remember that you might be dealing with a life or death situation, so drastic options may be justified. Prioritize reaching medical professionals whenever possible.
Here are some potential responses if there's an urgent need to get through to someone in a suicidal state:
- specific questions ("are you thinking about killing yourself?" "do you have a plan?" "where are you right now?")
- directing them to help ("please call a local friend/family and talk to them", "here is the number for a suicide hotline, please text them right now before you do anything else")
- help them make a plan to survive with specific steps ("can you go get a drink of water right now?", "please put {thing} in a drawer and close it, then go sit on the couch")
- listen to them closely and compassionately, and remind them that you are there for them ("hey, i'm sorry this sucks, but i'm listening", "we care about you here")
- thank them for speaking or sharing their feelings
- stay present for them; if you have to step away for any reason (even/especially for self-care), try to make sure another community member will be present, and also announce that you're stepping away for a moment ("hey, i have to be away from the keyboard for {time}, but please talk to {person}; i'll be back {soon/later} if you need me)
- more detailed talking strategies
In a less immediate context, suggest mental health treatment, and be supportive of their attempts to take care of themselves. Remember that suicidal thoughts are an expression of disordered mental activity, and professional help is always an appropriate thing to seek out.
Inappropriate responses
If you cannot or do not feel comfortable contributing an appropriate response, it is better to not respond at all. Similarly, if you notice someone else making unhelpful responses, consider sending them a PM and request that they step back until the situation calms down.
These responses can be extremely harmful or get in the way of helping, both to an individual experiencing a crisis, and to the community's ability to respond as a whole. It is understandably frustrating and difficult to witness a person in crisis, but please take a deep breath and exercise some compassion. You are always free to step away from your computer for a few moments.
In general, avoid:
- questioning their intent ("you're not really going to kill yourself, right?")
- joking about their situation ("haha okay glhf")
- belittling them, or making disparaging comments ("just shut up about this", "no one cares")
- guilt-tripping them ("think about how sad i'll be!", "what about all your
friends?", "so many people have it worse than you")
- note: there's a fine line between reminding them that you care and guilt-tripping them about their plans; if you can, try to focus on how you feel about them in the moment, instead of what might happen if they die
- keeping their behavior a secret (suicidal ideation is serious and lethal, and bringing awareness of the situation to the community as a whole can help)
- making broad statements about their life if you don't know their situation/environment well ("well, i'm sure if you did {thing} then this will all be better")
Less dangerous crises
Less dangerous crises, such as depression or financial hardship, while possible contributors to suicidal actions, are not in scope for this guide.
Difficulties of online suicide prevention
The difficult part of this situation is the lack of immediate physical access to someone in danger; we cannot necessarily go to someone's side and comfort them, or take them to a hospital if they've hurt themselves. The best thing we can do as a community is to provide support, love, and help each other connect to life-saving resources.
On remaining quiet
If you find yourself witnessing a crisis, but cannot bring yourself to contribute to the immediate intervention, that's okay! It's also important to just be there and have eyes on the situation. If you don't feel comfortable engaging a suicidal person, but want to provide support to the situation, consider sending a PM to anyone who's helping them out to say that you see them, affirm their efforts, and offer them good vibes <3
Self-care
Witnessing someone in a crisis is extremely draining; it is normal to feel panic, anxiety, helplessness, etc. It can get overwhelming and scary. If there are other people who are present, consider sending them a private message for some solidarity and support; even just having a group hug and sense of community and collective suffering can be a tremendous help.
Suicidal behavior is an irrational mental state, and if you are not a trained professional, there are no expectations that you "fix" anything. As a friend and a member of the community, the best thing you can do is maintain a compassionate approach, support each other, and be good to yourselves.
In short, take care of yourself; try not to put yourself in a bad place in order to help someone else.
Other resources
- Youth Suicide Resource
- Trevor Project Transgender Resources
- Trans Lifeline (limited hours for hotline)
- FAQ from a hotline operator
United States:
Outside US:
About this guide's contributors
This guide was originally authored by ~endorphant, who has formal training in mental health first aid and personal experience with medical emergency and suicide response. ~endorphant is based in the United States, so most of the resources/references are US-centric; if you have information or experiences beyond the US, please consider adding to this document. Also, if you have personal experiences with any of the listed resources or amendments to this guide, please feel free to edit it directly.
For general questions or help, your fellow townies are here for you <3
Additional contributors/proofreading:
- ~mio
- ~unreal
- ~aloosefruit
- ~m455
- ~tunas
Thank you for being a compassionate member of this community; learning how to help and support each other is extremely important <3
last compiled: 2022-02-08 03:26:28.781920